It really is true that writers sometimes are too close to their own words.
I recently had a story rejected by a couple of markets, and the editors had the same reaction: the part of the story that felt the most pure to me, the part that I thought was the best and loved the most in writing, was the one part they singled out as not working for them.
They’re right. I just couldn’t see it. I fell in love with that one section so much that I couldn’t see what was wrong with it.
Always be very skeptical about the one part of the story that you think is particularly good — chances are, it is good, but not necessarily good for the story. “Murder your darlings” — that’s what this is about.